I won't make the same mistake again
by Venka le fay
Summary: Set after the events in Alien Agenda. Leo and Donnie have a little chat about why the Leader in Blue didn't tell his family about Karai.


I won't make the same mistake again

by Venka

Don't own TMNT and don't intend to.

Leo sighed as he stopped at his brother's bedroom door. Donnie was a listener. He was the one he went to whenever he had a problem he needed salving or just needed someone to talk to in general. The quieter boy in general would listen to Leo give his thoughts and then offer advice or some analytic of what Leo had just expressed. He was the one he trusted when he had things he didn't want to bring up in front of everyone else, because Raph and Mikey generally wouldn't understand and Splinter wasn't in the frame of mind to hold interest or would lecture him. The first time he felt he could trust Donnie felt like forever ago.

_(Flash back)_

_They had grown to the age where they were old enough for their individual bedrooms. Everyone was excited that they would have their own personal space where they could think or do anything they want. No more sleeping together and waking up with Mikey's butt in your face, or someone's arm pit in direct line with your snout blessing you with the noxious aroma of underarm sweat._

_Four rooms in the hallway to the left of the garage had been used for storage. Splinter had moved whatever junk was in there to the garage, saying he would go through it later and dispose of what was not essential. Leo had noted their ratly father would often look at Donatello whenever he contemplated the garage. He didn't really understand why though…at least at that age he didn't. And neither Raph, Mikey, nor himself cared what happened to the garage anyway. It could have been a storage closet for all they cared. At that moment to them, it was more important that they were at last able to have their own rooms and their own beds. _

_But as night fell and they were going to sleep in their very own beds for the first time. Leo found he couldn't sleep. He was tired enough to have a hard time keeping his eyes open…but no matter how many timed he tried to get comfortable he just couldn't fall asleep. He had grown so used to having the bodies of his brothers curled around him that it felt almost wrong not to have them with him now. He could go talk to Splinter about it…but their father would have said they need to learn to sleep away from one another. This way they can develop their own personal sense of being. Raph or Mikey was out of the question, they'd laugh about how their fearless older brother was too much of baby to sleep in his own bed by himself._

_At that moment he heard a soft tapping at his door. Getting up he opened the door and found Donatello standing before him. The younger boy looked away his large brown eyes flickering about as if he was too ashamed or embarrassed to speak. A small smile crossed Leo's face as he understood what Donnie wanted, gently pulling him into the room and shutting the door. _

_When he woke the next morning he awoke to find himself alone in his bed and Donatello gone. It was almost as if he had dreamed his second brother had come to him seeking comfort for the loneliness they felt in having their own rooms. Nor did Donnie speak of it when he left his own bed room that morning. _

_Raph however was in a foul mood, while Mikey looked less then rested during training. It turned out Mikey and Raph also had a similar problem, except Mikey had gone into Raph's room on his own and had spent much of the night curled on the floor. Mikey had complained that he had gone to Donnie first but...the other Turtle was nowhere to be found. _

_"I'm sorry, Mikey." Donnie answered feigning remorse for not being there when his younger brother had been looking for him. "I must have been in the restroom at that time." Mikey seemed to buy his older brothers explanation. _

_"Why didn't you go to Leo then?" Raph demanded._

_ "He woulda told me to try and sleep in my own room." Mikey said. "Because Master Splinter said we were old enough to have our own rooms now."_

_"I wouldn't have said that." Leo answered. "I'm here for you guys for anything."_

_Later that day, Leo found Donnie sitting in a corner of the lair tinkering with a remote controlled toy car he had found in the sewers. He largely pulled it apart and had the parts placed around him. He inspected each of the pieces carefully to check how extensive the damage was. If it was too damaged beyond repair it was placed in pile beside him, while the parts that seemed reusable were set aside._

_"Hey, thanks…for not saying anything about last night," Leo smiled at his younger brother. "I don't know if I would have heard the end of it if had told Raph I couldn't sleep without you guy's either." Donnie didn't answer, but gave a small appreciative smile as he continued to dismantle the toy car. Just as he turned to leave he heard his quieter younger brother say a response that sounded like it should have come from someone far older then the age of six. _

_"I hope you understand the same applies to you." Donatello had said. Leo spun around confused as to what his younger brother had just said. Donnie placed down the car he had been dismantling and looked back at his eldest brother. To Leo it was though he was looking into the eyes of an adult, a grown up trapped in a six year olds body. "What you said earlier," Donnie clarified. "About us being free to come to you, if we feel that we have a problem and need to talk to someone about it. The same applies to you as well, if something is bothering you then the rest of us are here to listen…especially me."_

_(End Flashback.)_

Leo remorsefully put his head against the stone wall. He hadn't wanted to talk to his brothers about Karai. Raph only knew because he had seen the Foot Kunoichi with him, and April knew because…well because she was a girl. He knew none of his brother would have liked the idea of their eldest brother having a member of the Foot Clan as a love interest. So he had gone to April first, because she wasn't his brothers or his father…and because she was the same gender as Karai. Perhaps she would have had a different perspective on things.

But after Karai was revealed to everyone, he really began to understand the magnitude of what he had caused. Splinter was understandably angry with his eldest son about foolishly trusting the Kunoichi. Both April and Raph were disappointed in Leo but like Mikey, Raph had accepted that Leo understood his actions. However there was still one brother who wasn't accepting Leo's apology as easily. Raphs earlier words filled his mind

"Are you saying Donnie & Mikey wouldn't understand?...Are you saying Donnie, wouldn't understand?" Raph had demanded when they were tussling after patrol that evening. Leo sighed it wasn't that Donnie wouldn't have understood…of all of them would have understood the most since of them he was the only other Turtle with a human love interest.

"I'm surprised you didn't trust us enough to tell us." Donatello had stated when Leo had come clean about how he was associated with the Foot Kunoichi. The statement weighted heavily with hurt and betrayal. The words felt like a crushing blow to Leo, Donnie trusted both his older brothers...and looked up to him most of all. He might as well have spit on all that because night every time he had tried to talk the Donnie, the taller boy would just move away without speaking.

He had tried to grab Donnie's shoulder at one point, hoping the taller boy would listen it him if forced to stand in place. However he immediately let go since the tension his younger brother was expressing made him feel as if he had been burned.

"Give him space Leo," April had chided as she was leaving for home. "He knows you're sorry, he's just not ready to accept your apology just yet."

Lifting his head off the stone wall, Leo wrapped on the door to his younger brother room. The only response was silence which caused Leo to think he should knock again. Before he can do so however he heard a firm sounding "Come in!" from the other side.

Donnie didn't look up at his older brother as he entered the room. Instead he remained seated on his bed and kept his entire focus on his lap top, a clear indication that he was going to allow his brother to say what he need to but he was not going to give any indication that he was listening. Leo mentally chuckled to himself at the irony; Donnie was the younger of the two of them and yet had a way of making Leo feel like he was the younger one.

"Hi… I uh…" Leo stammered as he knelt down and focused on the floor. "You're right, I didn't trust any of you about Karai. I guess I didn't want to talk about her because I know every one of you would have said I was making a fool of myself. But I kept getting this feeling that there was something different about her…and something that felt strangely familiar as well. And I wanted to believe this was the case, and yes I would have told you guys about her…eventually, but I wanted convince her that she didn't need to be what the Foot clan has forced her to become. Wouldn't you have done the same if April had been in the Foot Clan, wouldn't you have wanted to rescue her from her life?"

There was a short pause in the typing noise that was coming from Donnie's lap top. The other boy didn't look up however a he continued typing. Leo sighed feeling like hadn't made any progress with Donnie, and got up to leave. Perhaps this brainy turtle would be more in the mood to talk the next day.

"Why did you lie to Raph?" Was the words Leo had heard when he turned to leave. Looking back he noticed that Donnie had closed his lap top and set it aside, his brown eyes taking on the look of one who was much closer in age to Master Splinter and not fifteen years old. Leo had come to recognize long ago that it was Donatello's intelligence that made him appear far older than his brothers at times. "When Raph spoke to you, you told him that you were over Karai?"

"I didn't lie…I uh..." Leo stammered uncomfortably, of all the brothers Donatello was the one who could read him like a book at the best of times. And he couldn't deny he still had a nagging feeling that Karai could be saved from herself.

"You're not as over Karai as much as you would like the rest of us to believe." Donnie pointed out, casing Leo to sigh in defeat.

"You're right…I'm not…" Leo said looking at the floor. "I want to believe that there is something there, something that isn't part of the Foot Clan, something that I hope that could be used to save her."

"If you want my honest opinion about her Leo," Donnie stated after he gave a small calming breath. "I do agree that you are fooling yourself because you can't guarantee where she truly lies as far as allegiances. A kunoichi is trained to use deception to their advantage and even seduce their enemy, and that alone makes her treacherous. And even if you could convince her to come to our side…we could never fully trust her because we can't guarantee that she isn't going slit our throats the moment we're a sleep. That's why everyone's so upset with you about this."

Leo sighed in aggravation; he knew Donnie's words rang true. He had foolishly believed Karai could be trusted and that resulted in his brothers getting hurt and nearly killed. And even if Karai did appear to him and say she wanted to leave the Shredder and fight alongside them, she very well could stab them in the back when they weren't paying attention.

"You usually aren't one for misguided judgment though." Donnie continued. "It is possible you truly did sense something about her that may truly be what you believe it to be. All the rest of us truly want is that you discuss these things with us, before you act on them. After all, how can we trust you be our leader, if you don't trust us in return?" Leo digested Donnie's words carefully as he left the room. He could feel a small strain had formed on the friendly bond he had with Donnie. While that strain didn't threaten his relationship with the quieter boy, he knew that if it was aggravated it could cause unforeseeable damage.

"I made a mistake, Donnie." Leo whispered to the closed door of his brothers room. "I won't make that same mistake again."


End file.
